Happiness Isn’t by L.G. Testa

Today's poetry feature is "Happiness Isn't", a poem from L.G. Testa which asks readers to reconcile with reality. CW: brief mention of homophobia, loss of partner

Image courtesy of L.G. Testa, who said: “The photo was taken in Tournai City, Belgium, a small church where my husband goes almost every Sunday.”

About L.G. Testa in her own words:

“Literature has been around me since I was born. Brought up by my grandmother, a poet herself, I enjoyed reading books from a preschool age—my favorite was Laura Ingalls Wilder. This series of books sparked my idea of becoming a writer myself.

My grandmother’s death was a painful shock to me. Books became my world, my solace, and a hiding place even more than before. Then, I had a very talented and creative literature teacher at school. She encouraged me to write poetry.

I’ve been published by several local Latvian literature magazines; then my love brought me to live in Belgium, where I’ve been published by “The Brussels Review.” One of my poems will appear in The Graveside Press’s poetry anthology.

My poems explore the themes of freedom and human condition. For me poetry is both a means of self-expression and a tool for navigating mental health.”

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Happiness Isn’t

The books in libraries lie,
so do spiritual teachers
and cancer doctors
when they say that
happiness is the goal.
Happiness isn't. 

Our goal is to comprehend
the complexion of fate,
to reconcile with the truth
as it is, rough as megalith; 

to reconcile with visions
collapsing, us being weaker
than the mountains, 
desired to climb; 

to reconcile with death
approaching from every corner
as we do all we can today,
most likely, not making it.

Only reconciling 
may happiness come,
so Reconciling should be the goal,
though hardly attained.

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We asked L.G Testa to share a few thoughts on her piece, Happiness Isn’t.

Q: What were some of your inspirations when writing this piece?

“The truth about this life. We speak about finding happiness, while it comes only when you reconcile with the harshness of reality.

I've experienced the loss of my girlfriend, and this loss has taught me a life lesson. We were young homosexuals in Latvia where society was homophobic. Life became like a prison. There I became a Freedom poet. Many of my poems touch Freedom. Having a rare health condition, my girlfriend did not get the needed cure. Doctors mostly kept wondering - why aren't you fucking the opposite sex? But that did not help us. When she lost her ability to walk, I spent years being her carer because her family did not care.

Together, we had many dreams. She was a singer, I played the music and wrote lyrics. All silenced from the world because we were too poor to get out, and she was disabled. We always hoped that Destiny being fair would bring us some solution, some brighter days when our dreams would come true.

No, destiny did not exist. My girlfriend died of a heart stroke. And I had to figure my life out from a zero. It was my hard lesson of Reconciling. I accepted that Life only hurts. That Bad things Will happen. That I Won't be helped.

Strangely, it felt like healing. Reconciling I began enjoying life as it is. Now, my life is as normal as can be. I'm married, I have a day-job, but matters that alive and able to enjoy simplest of things.”

Q: Is there anything you hope the reader will take away from it?

“Life isn't fair, and terrible things happen to the kindest of souls. While there's bitterness about it, there's no happiness. Reconciling, we might find a way to smile.

I want my readers to get free of Imprisoning visions about Ultimate success, Ultimate wealth and Perfect life. It won't be. Gaining wealth or recognition, you'll sacrifice something from simple and happy life. So, when you do something, do it only if it really pleases you or brings you some needed profit.

Very often, no matter how hard we try, we won't get there. That's also the truth. So, reconcile! Maybe is there another way to Happy life?
Each one of us receive this life lesson, heavier or lighter. What matters, that we learn, like I did.

I still fight to reconcile with what goes on in the world, with political situation, wars, human rights, abuse and neglect towards the ailing. But I must reconcile, for I, alone can't change that. Either I live or I die, so if I want to live, I must reconcile with things being like they are, and then, if chance comes, do something about it.

I hope that people won't think that I'm all gloomy and negative, but this is how I've felt, and I believe that it can be helpful to someone out there.”

Q: Do you have any additional thoughts you'd like to share about this piece?

“When I was young, I hoped for so much. Growing up visions crumpled. For me it was the biggest shock about life hitting my mental health hard. Now, thanks to my loving husband, I find happiness in simple life things reconciling with all the harshness and unfairness.”

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Before I share my thoughts, I want to say what a privilege it was to be able to read Happiness Isn’t. Every poet knows the vulnerability it takes to put your soul into writing and the other layer it takes to share it with others. So, thank you L.G. Testa for sharing this piece and your story with us.

As I read this this poem, I felt like it was a message of facing reality. Happiness and positivity are not constant for us in this world. And in order to be able to find happiness again, it’s important for us to face reality.

An important message delivered in a beautiful piece.

-V. Walker

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What emotions or memories did this poem stir in you? Have you ever had to face a difficult truth in order to find your way back to happiness? Let us know in the comments.

Want to submit a short story or poem of your own?